COVER STORY
The Time of Her Life
With the help of her friends, a loving marriage, and therapy, Courteney Cox Arquette has never been better
Ruven Afanador
"I’ll Be There for You” is not just the theme song from Courteney Cox Arquette’s biggest job ever, it’s her way of life.
And to guarantee she’s always there for her daughter, Coco, the actress made sure that her West Hollywood office, which she shares with her husband of seven years, David Arquette, included a miniature desk for the 2-year-old. But recently, as this tireless wife, friend, and mother was approaching 42, a friend suggested it was time for Cox Arquette, who stars in this week’s family adventure movie, Zoom, to be there for herself. She recounts for LIFE that aha! moment—and the path she’s been on ever since.
LIFE: What has changed for you in your forties?
Cox Arquette: I’m more confident. Whoever said aging isn’t for sissies was right. People who read a magazine can look at the picture and go, “She looks great for over 40!” But guess what? That’s not what I look like. Lighting is everything. When you’re in your car and you look in the mirror and the sun’s beaming in, you’re like, “Wow, times are getting tough.” But I would say I’m more confident. The biggest lesson I’ve learned is, you’ve got to appreciate where you are at that moment. I can’t believe the amount of time I spent complaining about things when I was 25, 30—not being able to say “This is a great period” but criticizing myself.
LIFE: You’ve mentioned that three months ago you started therapy. Why?
Cox Arquette: My friend Laura Dern sat me down and said, “Okay, this is going to be a big year for you; here’s a list of things you need to do.” One of them was to write down all the things I liked about myself. She saw that I was being too frenetic—that I wasn’t enjoying life as I should. I didn’t know it, but she could see it as a friend. Then she said, “I want you to go see my therapist.” I’m a great caretaker. But one thing I’m not good at is taking care of myself. My goal for this part of my life . . . is to be more nurturing to myself.
LIFE: Why is that so hard for you?
Cox Arquette: I used to care so much about hurting other people’s feelings—like if they wanted me to go to an event, but I was too tired, (I used to go anyway). I have to stand up for myself and express (what I need) and not feel bad about it.
LIFE: You and David have A DEAL'S A DEAL engraved on your wedding rings. What makes your marriage work?
Cox Arquette: Doing little check-ins is important. We were just in Sardinia for a vacation. Sure, it was wine central, so we were having a couple of glasses of wine, and we got into these fights two nights in a row over stupid stuff. But I could see how relationships break up if you don’t go, “What are we doing!?” So we went to a therapist, and he broke it down for us. He said, “Courteney, can you see how David gets embarrassed to have any kind of public fight?” I don’t scream, but I have no problem saying what I’m feeling in the moment. David’s the opposite. So if I need to get something out, I have to say, “David, can you come talk to me for a minute outside?” Had I done that, (the fights) wouldn’t have gotten nearly as big.
LIFE: What else makes you two work?
Cox Arquette: We just really like each other. He gets a kick out of me, and I get a kick out of him. We’re a good balance for each other. He likes the fact that I’m so gregarious—although it can also make him very uncomfortable—and I like the fact that he is so sensitive. We’re a great team.
LIFE: What kind of mother are you?
Cox Arquette: It’s easy to be good with Coco. She has swim class four times a week, and she’s always like, “Mom, swim!” I don’t care if I’m in my clothes, I’ll just jump right in. I also treat Coco like she’s one of the gang. If I go to New York, she goes to New York. I don’t care if it’s for one day. I’ve never been apart from her.
LIFE: Do you ever feel guilty about working?
Cox Arquette: No, I think it makes me a better mom. Even though I have her around all the time, she knows when Mommy’s working, and she goes into her little office. I think it’s important for kids to understand that’s what life is—that people have to work. It makes me happier if I’m doing something for myself, and if I’m happier, I can spread that joy to her. And I have too many dreams to fulfill to not continue working.
LIFE: Do you want another child?
Cox Arquette: We’re not trying yet. We’re revving up the engines. I’m only ready ’cause time’s a-ticking. If I was 34, I’d wait another year, because I like those three-to-four-year gaps. I want Coco to be helping me with the next one. One child is hard. Two is probably harder.
LIFE: You’re producing and starring in an upcoming TV series for FX called Dirt, in which you play a tabloid-magazine editor. Your friend Jennifer Aniston has been on the front pages of the tabloids for the past year. Did that inspire this idea?
Cox Arquette: No. The idea came up when I was pregnant and was being completely hounded by the press. Their fascination with pregnancy and children is so huge.
LIFE: Did you pay attention to what was being said about Jennifer in the tabs?
Cox Arquette: After having Coco, if it wasn’t about (kid stuff) I didn’t know about it. Not that I don’t know that Jennifer or Brad is on the cover of every magazine. But to me it is so beyond ridiculous. I don’t think about it.
LIFE: Has it been hard on her?
Cox Arquette: I know the paparazzi are really tough on her, as far as just being able to go someplace without having her picture taken. But she’s doing great. I don’t know what they’re printing now, but she has a great life.
LIFE: When you’re having a bad day, what do you do?
Cox Arquette: Figure it out. Clean it up. If I’m having anxiety about a relationship, I make a phone call. I’m not someone who stays in bed and hides under the pillows.
LIFE: With therapy, how would you say you’re changing?
Cox Arquette: I’m better at not judging myself. I’m better at “simply noticing.” Those are very powerful words for me. Don’t try to fix everything or judge it, just simply notice.
For more gorgeous photos of Courteney Cox Arquette, look for LIFE in your local newspaper on Friday. And ever wondered what would happen to Monica and and all her Friends? Read Courteney Cox Arquette's predictions in 'Friends, 20 Years Later?'
LIFE: What has changed for you in your forties?
Cox Arquette: I’m more confident. Whoever said aging isn’t for sissies was right. People who read a magazine can look at the picture and go, “She looks great for over 40!” But guess what? That’s not what I look like. Lighting is everything. When you’re in your car and you look in the mirror and the sun’s beaming in, you’re like, “Wow, times are getting tough.” But I would say I’m more confident. The biggest lesson I’ve learned is, you’ve got to appreciate where you are at that moment. I can’t believe the amount of time I spent complaining about things when I was 25, 30—not being able to say “This is a great period” but criticizing myself.
LIFE: You’ve mentioned that three months ago you started therapy. Why?
Cox Arquette: My friend Laura Dern sat me down and said, “Okay, this is going to be a big year for you; here’s a list of things you need to do.” One of them was to write down all the things I liked about myself. She saw that I was being too frenetic—that I wasn’t enjoying life as I should. I didn’t know it, but she could see it as a friend. Then she said, “I want you to go see my therapist.” I’m a great caretaker. But one thing I’m not good at is taking care of myself. My goal for this part of my life . . . is to be more nurturing to myself.
LIFE: Why is that so hard for you?
Cox Arquette: I used to care so much about hurting other people’s feelings—like if they wanted me to go to an event, but I was too tired, (I used to go anyway). I have to stand up for myself and express (what I need) and not feel bad about it.
LIFE: You and David have A DEAL'S A DEAL engraved on your wedding rings. What makes your marriage work?
Cox Arquette: Doing little check-ins is important. We were just in Sardinia for a vacation. Sure, it was wine central, so we were having a couple of glasses of wine, and we got into these fights two nights in a row over stupid stuff. But I could see how relationships break up if you don’t go, “What are we doing!?” So we went to a therapist, and he broke it down for us. He said, “Courteney, can you see how David gets embarrassed to have any kind of public fight?” I don’t scream, but I have no problem saying what I’m feeling in the moment. David’s the opposite. So if I need to get something out, I have to say, “David, can you come talk to me for a minute outside?” Had I done that, (the fights) wouldn’t have gotten nearly as big.
LIFE: What else makes you two work?
Cox Arquette: We just really like each other. He gets a kick out of me, and I get a kick out of him. We’re a good balance for each other. He likes the fact that I’m so gregarious—although it can also make him very uncomfortable—and I like the fact that he is so sensitive. We’re a great team.
LIFE: What kind of mother are you?
Cox Arquette: It’s easy to be good with Coco. She has swim class four times a week, and she’s always like, “Mom, swim!” I don’t care if I’m in my clothes, I’ll just jump right in. I also treat Coco like she’s one of the gang. If I go to New York, she goes to New York. I don’t care if it’s for one day. I’ve never been apart from her.
LIFE: Do you ever feel guilty about working?
Cox Arquette: No, I think it makes me a better mom. Even though I have her around all the time, she knows when Mommy’s working, and she goes into her little office. I think it’s important for kids to understand that’s what life is—that people have to work. It makes me happier if I’m doing something for myself, and if I’m happier, I can spread that joy to her. And I have too many dreams to fulfill to not continue working.
LIFE: Do you want another child?
Cox Arquette: We’re not trying yet. We’re revving up the engines. I’m only ready ’cause time’s a-ticking. If I was 34, I’d wait another year, because I like those three-to-four-year gaps. I want Coco to be helping me with the next one. One child is hard. Two is probably harder.
LIFE: You’re producing and starring in an upcoming TV series for FX called Dirt, in which you play a tabloid-magazine editor. Your friend Jennifer Aniston has been on the front pages of the tabloids for the past year. Did that inspire this idea?
Cox Arquette: No. The idea came up when I was pregnant and was being completely hounded by the press. Their fascination with pregnancy and children is so huge.
LIFE: Did you pay attention to what was being said about Jennifer in the tabs?
Cox Arquette: After having Coco, if it wasn’t about (kid stuff) I didn’t know about it. Not that I don’t know that Jennifer or Brad is on the cover of every magazine. But to me it is so beyond ridiculous. I don’t think about it.
LIFE: Has it been hard on her?
Cox Arquette: I know the paparazzi are really tough on her, as far as just being able to go someplace without having her picture taken. But she’s doing great. I don’t know what they’re printing now, but she has a great life.
LIFE: When you’re having a bad day, what do you do?
Cox Arquette: Figure it out. Clean it up. If I’m having anxiety about a relationship, I make a phone call. I’m not someone who stays in bed and hides under the pillows.
LIFE: With therapy, how would you say you’re changing?
Cox Arquette: I’m better at not judging myself. I’m better at “simply noticing.” Those are very powerful words for me. Don’t try to fix everything or judge it, just simply notice.
For more gorgeous photos of Courteney Cox Arquette, look for LIFE in your local newspaper on Friday. And ever wondered what would happen to Monica and and all her Friends? Read Courteney Cox Arquette's predictions in 'Friends, 20 Years Later?'